After weeks of speaking to my son, Guy who had been suffering with heart troubles the day had finally arrived when he would undergo a frightful operation to give him a prosperous life…
“You’ll be fine, sweetie. God is with you and will guide the hands of your heart surgeon,” I said, hoping my words would ease the nerves of my son facing a surgery to repair his heart in early morning hours approaching. “You will close your eyes to sleep and when you open them again, you won’t believe it will be over, finished.” I promised, explaining my own brain surgery experience to him while trying to reassure him of our Lord’s love, my love.
I knew that he was frightened, worried. It didn’t occur to me that he was a 35 year old man with a girlfriend and children during those hours I spent desperate to ease his fears as to me, this was my child. He needed the reassuring words from his mother and I prayed for the utterances to soothe his mind, his heart. This, like all things in the lives of Christians, was the will of God and He would be certain to carry my son through the storm, protecting him. I knew this and wanted him to know and believe it more than anything. Trust in God is having faith and letting go of all concerns knowing that He is in total control of everything. Soon, he was laughing, speaking of other things that made time rush towards those inevitable hours we all anticipated with great expectations, hope.
Then, as the day’s sunshine began to fall from the October skies, I learned that my son was out of surgery recovering in ICU and doing well. Praise Jesus! The operation had been successful and now he only had to open his eyes to realize his blessing. “Mom,” he uttered in a breathless voice that made tears fill my eyes. “You were right,” he whispered, “It was just like blinking…” he groaned, his breathing heavy, strained.
Over the next few days, we spoke for what felt like hours at a time as he struggled in talking, walking, eating and using the bathroom. My thoughts continuously returning to the years when he was a toddler and everyone marveled that I’d birthed a blonde haired child with eyes bluer than oceans on postcards sent, saved. He was always such a strong boy, loving and loud in whatever moment seized his heart from tearing bouquets of weeds along streets to offer me, to hollering at the ceilings of our homes for the attention he craved, commanded. I could feel his yearning for me, sense his childlike need as though it were the yesterdays of years past…my existence was suddenly of great importance.
I had been asked if my son, Guy expressed any regret for having not been there for me during these last 2years that I’ve been recovering from brain surgery and undergoing treatment for stage 4 cancer for which I could only answer, “no, none.” I had entirely forgotten that he had dismissed me from his life some time ago without ever calling or coming to see me since my diagnosis, surgery. I didn’t think twice about his indifferent behavior when trying to comfort him, be supportive. I only know that in my heart, I had already forgiven him for not showing me any concern, love over these last few years and until I was reminded of this, I had not remembered. I’ve been happy that he called on me in his time of need and feel blessed to have been consoling through Christ Jesus. God has Blessed my son with a new heart and maybe, with that more love.